One day, after the brakeman had been pointing out the window and explaining the scenery, says the Denver “News,” one of the passengers whispered to the conductor: “Conductor, can you tell me how that brakeman lost his finger? He seems to be a very nice fellow. It seems a pity he should be crippled.”
“That’s just it, ma’am. He is a good fellow. He is so obliging that he just wore his finger off pointing out the scenery along the line.”
The card “Boy Wanted” had been swinging from the window of a publishing house only a few minutes when a red-headed little tad climbed to the publisher’s office with the sign under his arm.
“Say, mister,” he demanded of the publisher, “did youse hang out this here ‘Boy Wanted’ sign?”
“I did,” replied the publisher sternly. “Why did you tear it down?”
Back of his freckles the youngster was gazing in wonder at the man’s stupidity.
“Hully gee!” he blurted. “Why, I’m the boy!”
Edward had just returned from foreign service, and his brow was troubled.
“I gave you that parrot as a birthday present, did I not, Amelia?” he asked.
“Yes; but surely, Teddy, you are not going to speak of your tokens as if——”
“It was young and speechless at the time.”
“Yes”—with increasing wonder—“and it has never been out of this parlor.”
“There are no other young ladies in this house?”
“Then why—why, when I k-kissed your photograph in yonder album, while waiting for you, did that wretched bird imitate your voice and say: ‘Don’t do that, Herbert, please don’t!’”
A city gentleman was recently invited down to the country for “a day with the birds.” His aim was not remarkable for its accuracy, to the great disgust of the man in attendance, whose tip was generally regulated by the size of the bag.
“Dear me!” at last exclaimed the sportsman, “but the birds seem exceptionally strong on the wing this year.”
“Not all of ’em, sir,” was the answer. “You’ve shot at the same bird about a dozen times. ’E’s a-follerin’ you about, sir.”
“Following me about? Nonsense! Why should a bird do that?”
“Well, sir,” came the reply. “I dunno, I’m sure, unless ’e’s ’angin’ ’round you for safety.”
Little Johnnie, having in his possession a couple of bantam hens, which laid very small eggs, suddenly hit on a plan. Going the next morning to the fowl-run, Johnnie’s father was surprised to find an ostrich egg tied to one of the beams, and above it a card, with the words: