[Illustration: "LOOK HERE, SCHLUMPENHAGEN, YOU MUST HELP US AT OUR SMOKING CONCERT. YOU PLAY THE FLUTE, DON'T YOU?"
Up in railway; all Switzerland is now "up in railway." Revisiting simple spot opposite Jungfrau; here twenty years ago. "Simple!" Electric light; shops; telescopes; tourists everywhere! They sprawl on hillocks like Bank-holiday-Virginia-Waterers! Just heard one ask waiter, "'Ow many feet are we 'ere above the sea?" "One tousing eight 'undred mètres." "What's the good of meters?" What indeed? Electric light everywhere. Everybody telescoping chamois, and buying photographs; photographs chiefly of _other_ places; all the same when you return home. Men attired like golfers; women in gaiters; exercise, principally shopping. Simple Switzeresses outside toy-booths, talk excellent English, but all in national costume. N.B. National costume can be purchased.
There _used_ to be only half an inn here; there are _now_ five hotels, with a beer-garden, and inevitable casino. Dancing every night. Like to watch fair, fat, sentimental German waltzing solemnly. Elderly Darby of Albion, too, capering the newest shuffles and reverses, would surprise his wife Joan at home. "Darby is devoted to climbing, and I was glad to let him return to the primitive little place I remember on our honeymoon." That is what _she_ thinks. _Climbing!_ Not a bit of it! Most here, when fagged out with shopping, take guide and porter up the "Shamhorn." There's a "Shamhorn" album now wherein proud mountaineers exhibit flights of fancy in their records that one could never guess from their countenances. At _table d'hôte_ not a few of SVENGALI'S opinion, that "only the dirty want to wash." But the water is superb! so are the Alps. Yet am I Oberlanded, and must go lower to feel higher.
_Mem. at Ilfracombe._--Capital boating and fishing here. Likewise plenty of steamering. Lovely scenery everywhere about in this neighbourhood for pedestrians, equestrians, "carriage-folk," and donkey-chaise people. _Special mem. for equestrians and drivers_;--"_Hire on the spot_," which sounds like some direction at billiards, but is meant for advice to riders and drivers. Picturesque caves on coast to visit in rowing-boat, or in canoe which you can paddle yourself. With fair weather, and good waterproof, you can't be dull at Ilfracombe.