'Well, Major B., I can't prevent you from doing what you say you will do, but I certainly think you'd be much better in bed.'
As the band began to play the National Anthem, the carriages began to move off, but the two young men stayed behind to talk over the scene they had just taken part in. They ordered their horsekeepers to take their bays home, and then leisurely walked on to the mess-room, indulging, as they sauntered along, in repeated bursts of laughter. Johnson, who first recovered himself, said, turning to his friend: 'Now, can you fancy that anyone could be so blind as our worthy, the Major? The old fogey, in his latter days, has become so amorous, so demented, about Mrs. W., that he can't help making love to her before everybody.'
'That's plain enough, and patent to everyone who has got eyes and ears,' returned Hopkins. 'And to see how she treats him! Upon my soul, it's the finest fun I've had since I've been here,' remarked Johnson.
'Why,' returned Hopkins, 'she laughs at him so openly that if he were not what he is, he must see it.'
'But he don't,' said Johnson, 'that is the best of it--he don't, and goes on worshipping, and never minding, in a way that's unlike anything I ever saw before. I won't say "more majorum," for that would be a libel on all other majors.'
'Well,' said Hopkins, 'that would require a free translation indeed to translate it into wit, for which I suppose it's meant. You ought to rejoice old Leatherum is not behind you: he would score up marks against you for which you would not be able to find a free translation, I suspect.'
'You and old Leatherum be hanged!' said Johnson.
'Thank you for nothing,' returned Hopkins. 'Hang "_odi profanum vulgus_" whenever you please, but as for me, I'm not inclined that way just now, so won't trouble you for any such delicate attention. Besides, I shouldn't exactly rejoice to see you turn Jack Ketch after bearing her Majesty's colours.'
'It would scarcely be needful, I suspect, if I gave you rope enough,' returned Johnson.
'You seem to be particularly attached to this line of illustration, Johnson, but as it is not altogether new, let's try something else.'
'With all my heart,' returned Johnson, 'but what line shall we take up?'