Whether I have any motive but public good must be referred to those who can decide whether a missionary chooses his pursuit solely to convert the heathen. I shall certainly be thought to have a little of the spirit of Col. Quagg, who delighted in strapping the Grace-walking Brethren. I must quote this myself: if I do not, some one else will, and then where am I? The Colonel's principle is described as follows:
"I licks ye because I kin, and because I like, and because ye'se critters that licks is good for. Skins ye have on, and skins I'll have off; hard or soft, wet or dry, spring or fall. Walk in grace if ye like till pumpkins is peaches; but licked ye must be till your toe-nails drop off and your noses bleed blue ink. And--licked--they--were--accordingly."
I am reminded of this by the excessive confidence with which Mr. James Smith predicted that he would treat me as Zephaniah Stockdolloger (Sam Slick calls it _slockdollager_) treated Goliah Quagg. He has announced his { 131} intention of bringing me, with a contrite heart, and clean shaved,--4159265... razored down to 25,--to a camp-meeting of circle-squarers. But there is this difference: Zephaniah only wanted to pass the Colonel's smithy in peace; Mr. James Smith sought a fight with me. As soon as this Budget began to appear, he oiled his own strap, and attempted to treat me as the terrible Colonel would have treated the inoffensive brother.
The Moon-hoax; or the discovery that the moon has a vast population of human beings. By Richard Adams Locke.[226] New York, 1859, 8vo.
This is a reprint of the hoax already mentioned. I suppose R. A. Locke is the name assumed by M. Nicollet.[227] The publisher informs us that when the hoax first appeared day by day in a morning paper, the circulation increased fivefold, and the paper obtained a permanent footing. Besides this, an edition of 60,000 was sold off in less than one month.
The discovery was also published under the name of A. R. Grant.[228] Sohncke's[229] _Bibliotheca Mathematica_ confounds this Grant with Prof. R. Grant[230] of Glasgow, the author of the _History of Physical Astronomy_, who is accordingly made to guarantee the discoveries in the moon. I hope Adams Locke will not merge in J. C. Adams,[231] the co-discoverer of Neptune. Sohncke gives the titles of { 132} three French translations of the Moon hoax at Paris, of one at Bordeaux, and of Italian translations at Parma, Palermo, and Milan.