And in the Open Air
"The air is fresh, but in my apartment it is not so in any sense of the word. Let us walk slowly, sir. I should be glad of your kind interest."
"I too have something important to say to you," observed
Alyosha, "only I don't know how to begin."
"To be sure you must have business with me. You would never have
looked in upon me without some object. Unless you come simply to
complain of the boy, and that's hardly likely. And, by the way, about the boy: I could not explain to you in there, but here I will describe that scene to you. My tow was thicker a week ago- I mean my beard. That's the nickname they give to my beard, the schoolboys most of all. Well, your brother Dmitri Fyodorovitch was pulling me by my beard, I'd done nothing, he was in a towering rage and happened to come upon me. He dragged me out of the tavern into the market place; at that moment the boys were coming out of school, and with them Ilusha. As soon as he saw me in such a state he rushed up to me. 'Father,' he cried, 'father!' He caught hold of me, hugged me, tried to pull me away, crying to my assailant, 'Let go, let go, it's my father, forgive him!'- yes, he actually cried 'forgive him.' He clutched at that hand, that very hand, in his little hands and kissed it.... I remember his little face at that moment, I haven't forgotten it and I never shall!"
"I swear," cried Alyosha, "that my brother will express his most
deep and sincere regret, even if he has to go down on his knees in
that same market-place.... I'll make him or he is no brother of mine!
"Aha, then it's only a suggestion! And it does not come from him
but simply from the generosity of your own warm heart. You should have
said so. No, in that case allow me to tell you of your brother's
highly chivalrous soldierly generosity, for he did give expression
to it at the time. He left off dragging me by my beard and released
me: 'You are an officer,' he said, 'and I am an officer, if you can
find a decent man to be your second send me your challenge. I will
give satisfaction, though you are a scoundrel.' That's what he said. A
chivalrous spirit indeed! I retired with Ilusha, and that scene is a
family record imprinted forever on Ilusha's soul. No, it's not for
us to claim the privileges of noblemen. Judge for yourself. You've
just been in our mansion, what did you see there? Three ladies, one
a cripple and weak-minded, another a cripple and hunchback and the
third not crippled but far too clever. She is a student, dying to
get back to Petersburg, to work for the emancipation of the Russian
woman on the banks of the Neva. I won't speak of Ilusha, he is only
nine. I am alone in the world, and if I die, what will become of all
of them? I simply ask you that. And if I challenge him and he kills me
on the spot, what then? What will become of them? And worse still, if he doesn't kill me but only cripples me: I couldn't work, but I should still be a mouth to feed. Who would feed it and who would feed them all? Must I take Ilusha from school and send him to beg in the streets? That's what it means for me to challenge him to a duel. It's silly talk and nothing else."
"He will beg your forgiveness, he will bow down at your feet in
the middle of the marketplace," cried Alyosha again, with glowing
eyes.
"I did think of prosecuting him," the captain went on, "but look
in our code, could I get much compensation for a personal injury? And then Agrafena Alexandrovna sent for me and shouted at me: 'Don't dare to dream of it! If you proceed against him, I'll publish it to all the world that he beat you for your dishonesty, and then you will be prosecuted.' I call God to witness whose was the dishonesty and by whose commands I acted, wasn't it by her own and Fyodor Pavlovitch's? And what's more,' she went on, 'I'll dismiss you for good and you'll never earn another penny from me. I'll speak to my merchant too' (that's what she calls her old man) 'and he will dismiss you!' And if he dismisses me, what can I earn then from anyone? Those two are all I have to look to, for your Fyodor Pavlovitch has not only given over employing me, for another reason, but he means to make use of papers I've signed to go to law against me. And so I kept quiet, and you have seen our retreat. But now let me ask you: did Ilusha hurt your finger much? I didn't like to go into it in our mansion before him."