Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 1, Complete — Part 69

A RENCONTRE WITH A TEA-TOTALLER. On going forth last night, a friend to see,

Then thus to him—“Were it not better, far,

Besides, all drunkards, when policemen see ’em,

“Me drunk!” the cobbler cried, “the devil trouble you!

I’ve just return’d from a tee-total party,

The man as lectured, now, was drunk; why, bless ye,

A pair on ’em—hisself and his good lady;—

(My eye and Betty! what weak mortals we are;

But as for me, I’ve stuck (’twas rather ropy)

And now we’ve had this little bit o’sparrin’,

A man in New-York enjoys such very excellent spirits that he has only to drink water to intoxicate himself.

TO JOBBING PATRIOTS. MR. GEORGE ROBINS. with unparalleled gratification, begs to state that he has it in

Command to announce, that in consequence of

LORD JOHN RUSSELL’S LETTER to the citizens of London having satisfactorily convinced her

MOST GRACIOUS MAJESTY that a change of ministry

CANNOT be productive of a corresponding transformation of measures, and that the late

POLITICO-GLADIATORIAL STRUGGLE for the guerdon of office could only have emanated from a highly commendatory desire on the part of the disinterested and patriotic belligerents

HIS ROYAL MISTRESS, ever solicitous to enchain the hearts of her devoted subjects, by an impartial exercise of her prerogative, has determined to submit to the

ARBITRATION OF HIS HUMBLE HAMMER, some of those desirable places, so long known as the stimuli to the

LACTANT LYCURGI of the nineteenth century.

LOT 1. FIRST LORD OF THE TREASURY, at present in possession of Lord Melbourne. This will be found a most eligible investment, as it embraces a considerable extent of female patronage, comprising the appointments of those valuable legislative adjuncts,

THE LADIES OF THE BEDCHAMBER, AND THE ROYAL NURSES, WET AND DRY; together with those household desiderata,

RUN OF THE ROYAL KITCHEN. LOT 2. SECRETARY OF STATE FOR THE COLONIAL DEPARTMENT, at present occupied by Lord John Russell. This lot must possess considerable attraction for a gastronomical experimentalist, as its present proprietor has for a long time been engaged in the discovery of how few pinches of oatmeal and spoonsful of gruel are sufficient for a human pauper, and will be happy to transfer his data to the next fortunate proprietor. Any gentleman desirous of embarking in the manufacture of