Dramatis Personae
JOHN JAMES BOX............................A Journeyman
Printer................................................Tenor
NOTE
Lines enclosed in brackets, [ ], are often omitted in performance. Text which is underlined is traditionally included in performance but is often omitted from libretti.
Cox and Box
No. 1. Overture
SCENE: — A room; a bed with curtains closed; three doors; a window; a fireplace; table and chairs. COX, dressed, with the exception of his coat, is looking at himself in a small looking-glass, which he holds in his hand.
COX: Eight o’clock! (knock at door) Come in!
Enter SERGEANT BOUNCER.
BOUNCER: Good morning, Colonel Cox. Why, you’ve had your hair cut!
COX: Cut! It strikes me I’ve had it mowed! I look as if I’d been cropped for the Army!
BOUNCER: The Army! I recollect when I was in the Militia...
COX: Ah! now he’s off on his hobby. (exit)
BOUNCER: Yes, we were mounted on chargers.
No. 2. Song (Bouncer), "Rataplan"
BOUNCER:
We sounded the trumpet, we beat the drum, Somehow the enemy didn’t come. So I gave up my horse In Her Majesty’s force As there wasn’t a foeman To meet with the yeoman; And so no invasion Threatened the nation. There wasn’t a man In the rear or the van, Who found an occasion to sing Rataplan! Rataplan! Rataplan! Rataplan plan, plan, plan!
Enter COX.
COX: This comes of having one’s hair cut. None of my hats will fit me. By-the-bye, Bouncer, I wish to know how it is that I frequently find my apartment full of smoke?
BOUNCER: Why — I suppose the chimney —
COX: The chimney doesn’t smoke tobacco. I’m speaking of tobacco smoke.
BOUNCER: Why, the gentleman who has got the attics is hardly ever without a pipe in his mouth.
COX: Ah! then you mean to say that this gentleman’s smoke, instead of emulating the example of all other sorts of smoke, and going up the chimney, thinks proper to affect a singularity by taking the contrary direction?
BOUNCER: Why —
COX: Then I suppose the gentleman you are speaking of is the individual that I
invariably meet coming up stairs when I’m going down, and going down when I’m coming up?
BOUNCER: Why — yes — I -
COX: I should set him down as a gentleman connected with the printing interest.
BOUNCER: Yes sir. Good morning. (Going.)
No. 3. Duet (Cox and Bouncer), "Stay, Bouncer, Stay"
COX: (recit.) Stay, Bouncer, stay! To me it has occurred That now’s the time with you to have a word. BOUNCER: (aside) What can he mean? I tremble — Ah! I tremble! COX: Listen! BOUNCER: With pleasure. COX: Now, coals is coals, as sure as eggs is eggs, Coals haven’t souls, no more than they have legs; But, as you will admit, the case is so, Legs or no legs, my coals contrive to go! BOUNCER: Well, I should say — or as it seems to me — COX: Exactly. BOUNCER: Quite so. COX: Then we both agree. BOUNCER: As we agree, good day. COX: I've something more to say. BOUNCER: Mister Cox, Mister Cox, My feelings overpower me, That his lodger, his friendly lodger, Should once suspect that Bouncer is COX: A dodger. BOUNCER: As to who takes your coals, wood, and all that, It must have been — COX: No! No! ’Twas not the cat! BOUNCER: Rataplan, Rataplan, I’m a military man, Rough, honest, I hope, though unpolished, And I’ll bet you a hat, that as to the cat, The cat in the Army’s abolished! COX: Rataplan, Rataplan, you’re a military man, Honest, I hope, though it doesn’t appear, And as to the cat, the treacherous cat, If it isn’t in the Army, don’t have it here. BOTH: Rataplan, Rataplan, etc.
(Exit COX.)
BOUNCER: He’s gone at last! I was in fear Mr. Box should come in before Mr. Cox
went out. Luckily they’ve never met yet; for Mr. Box is hard at work at a newspaper office all night, and doesn’t come home till morning, and Mr. Cox is busy making hats all day long, and doesn’t come home till night; so that I’m getting double rent for my room, and neither of my lodgers is any the wiser for it. Now, let me put Mr. Cox’s things out of Mr. Box’s way.
BOX: (without) Pooh — pooh! Why don’t you keep your own side of the staircase, sir? (Enters — puts his head out of door again, shouting) It was as much your fault as mine, sir! I say, sir. It was as much your fault as mine, sir!
BOUNCER: Dear, dear, Mr. Box! What a temper you are in to be sure! I declare, you are quite pale.
BOX: What colour would you have a man to be who has been setting up long leaders
for a daily paper all night?
BOUNCER: Oh, certainly, Mr. Box! (Going.)
